There is a duality in the way I think. I can be feeling shattered by a thing and the default for my brain is to shift to thoughts of what I can DO to improve myself and life. I always think about both sides of the coin. It is during some of my most trying times that I create the best stuff. The work that is most difficult for me during these times, though, is also a very important lesson for me to get. That work is acceptance of what is and release of any ideas I have about a desired result.
I’m a thinker. I’m a bull (Taurus). I believe in universal law and the magic it can create in one’s life. I believe in a Universal energy way bigger than me that can manifest miracles. I’ve OFTEN in life had to create something out of absolutely nothing but an idea and faith in myself. I’m good at getting what I want in many areas of my life. This creates difficulty in trusting the Universe to guide me as it sees fit for my biggest, best evolution and growth when things aren’t going as I wish.
I usually learn lessons the hard way. I’ve been figuratively kicked in the gut by people who claim deep, everlasting love for me the hardest. Some days it just feels like my heart is in a blaze of disintegrating fire. I find myself doing things I'd advise my friends against doing. Other days I truly trust that space is being cleared for bigger and better horizons (Side Note: Dear Universe, more of these days please... and about those bigger & better horizons *ahem*). I think it’s better that I learn things the hard way because then I get the lesson The First Time! Often, we can find ourselves stuck repeating patterns and not ever giving focused energy on learning the lesson. For example, I know someone who is always entering into new relationships before their current relationship comes to a complete closure. Instead of examining what this pattern is about they just keep hitting the repeat button on it. However, the Universe is eternally patient. It will keep giving us the same lesson repeatedly until we finally get it and grow.
I have to believe that nothing is by accident. I hope to be writing a blog down the line reporting what wonderful miracle this pain filled clearing of energy and space has manifested in my life. In the mean time, I can always choose to focus my energy on attracting experiences filled with love and happiness. Until the new goodness shows up, I will allow my self to completely crumble so that I can be newly rebuilt on a strong, fresh foundation. Growth isn't easy. But growth and love are always the best answer.