What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business...

EGO Most days I can walk out of the house with my hair barely combed & zero make-up and feel great about it.  However, on my way to go see a burlesque show this week, I feel this strong need to put on at least enough make up to cover the marks & pimples on my face.  I  step back from myself, watching myself go through this whole soap opera.  I can’t help but think, “What are you doing?”

My ego was having an extreme “pre-game” party.  The reality of it is, I am  one too many super shocked, “Damn, you clean up well’s” in.  They've been hurting my little feelings lately :-(.  Do I look that bad without all the glitz?  During almost the entire train ride WISUCK Fm has the free reign to play its broadcast in my brain:  "Maybe they’re right.  You look so blank canvas plain without make-up.  You should at least wear make up in Burlesque settings.  But I don’t want to.  I go to my day job in sneakers, jeans, sweats & tees.  (Believe me when I tell you I take full advantage of being able to be comfortable at work.)  Am I giving off some kind of strange message about who I am in this world though?"

English: visual representation of the Freud's ...We sometimes attempt to maintain images that most celebrities cannot even keep up without several teams (hair, stylist, make up artist, trainer, nutritionist, air-brushing after the photo is taken, etc.).  I look around & realize I am smack dab in the middle of this very mouse trap.  I know better.  I’ve seen up close & personal the kind of suffering people in the public eye go through to maintain their public image & brand.  However, sometimes even the knowing doesn't stop me from being affected.  Wayne Dyer talks about learning this lesson from one of his teachers, Abraham Maslow:

Self-actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others. – Wayne Dyer

I should take heed.  What did I do?  Well, not only do I cover the marks & pimples but I also fix my eyebrows & apply lip gloss.  Yeah, I had to laugh at myself.  Ego is a helluva drug.  Eventually, the radio station signs off.  I continue along my way to watch the show.  Good thing for the folks on the subway, the thought bubble over my head is not audible to all.  It’s amazing to be among so many people knowing each person is having their own broadcast in their head.  Sometimes, I remind myself:  they ain't thinkin' 'bout you!  They have their own stuff to think about.  No one knows but us what’s being played on our personal radio broadcasts.  I try to keep the broadcast bright.  However, sometimes, I just plain loose.

/ id, ego, super-ego /

You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you if you realized how seldom they do. - Eleanor Roosevelt