When I was barely out of my teens an elder asked, "What does attraction mean to you?" What does it take for a love connection? I started thinking in my head the usual things: I like someone with a good personality, tall, dark, nice smile, etc. And she let me ramble on & then asked again "What really makes someone attractive to you?" I thought that I had given a really thorough answer. It made me think for the next few days. What is important to me in a partner. What attracts me, really attracts me, to another person? I started to pay attention to the kinds of people who drew my attention.
I find that physical things were actually not high up on my list. Don't get me wrong, chemistry is very high up on the list. Without chemistry we are only buddies.
What causes that chemistry for me, though, are all things that emanate from the inside:
*The way a person with confidence can take up space in a room
*The way in which a self assured person moves thru space
*Someone who is kind with a VERY open mind
*Someone with a burning PASSION about Something in this life
*Someone who loves their mother & treats women with respect
*Someone who can take care of themselves financially (I've been taking care of me)
*Someone powerful & with drive
I could go on but you get the idea. These are the things that get my juices flowing (literally & figuratively). If I lined up everyone I've dated, there is no "type". There is no physical pattern. Many times I think we deny ourselves the possibilities of a love connection by being wrapped up in what wrapping the person is coming in. I see people compromise on how they should be treated instead. I vote for having uncompromising standards on how your partner treats you. Love is an action word. Love is about how your partner treats you & vice-verse. Love is not the chemical reaction physical attraction causes you to feel alone.
If I really think about it, I got this lesson about not over valuing the physical my last year of junior high school. Somewhere between high school & being asked this question by the elder, I'd forgotten it. That last year of junior high I had a boyfriend who no one thought was attractive. However, when he was always surprising me with balloons, stuffed animals & leaving me love notes all the time, their rude remarks about his looks were replaced by their awwws.
I hear so many people say that they cannot find a good life partner. Yet, I also see many good people overlooked because they do not have the outside trappings that are on a list of must haves. Maybe they don't meet the ideal height requirement. Maybe, they have a good stable job but isn't driving a Mercedes. Maybe they're outside of your nationality or religion. Maybe they're not a PhD. Maybe they are not "there" yet, but clearly focused & determined. Who knows.
So, what really attracts you to someone?